Ok wow work keeps me busy.....ahhhhh.

So, I think I have decided.  I'm thinking that I'm going to go with him.  I love him and I want to be with him.  It is a new place and a chance to live and grow, make new friends, and I get a chance with this amazing guy that I have given my heart to (can't believe I'm saying this).

He is really excited though.  He can't believe that I am really considering it.  He wants to share his life with me and I think that at this point I should start considering him in mine.

My roommate isn't excited.  This means she has to find another roommate and that really creeps her out.  We have worked really well living together and she says the thought of change scares her....she's tellin me. 

My mom is worried about me, the dumb bitch that she is.  She decides to care now.  She didn't give a shit when my dad left, when she sent me to live with gramms cause she couldn't handle it, and she didn't care when my ex kept me locked down with no life.  Here I go making a decision and she wants to make an impact and change me in some way. Bullshit.  Why does she bother.

There is so much left to think about.  Me moving doesn't just effect me.  I have so much to think of and I am still unsure but I love him and I think that should be enough to try it.  Sometimes you just have to take a leap.

So, my boyfriend and I had a big talk.  We talked about our future and where is may be going and if there is any hope for us.  I don't know what is going to happen.  It doesn't look hopeful although I want it to. 

I wish he didn't want to move.  This is so difficult.  After we talked and he went home, I cryed.  It hurt so much.  I don't know what's going to happen.  He talked about not going but I know he'll come to resent me if he stays.  We talked about a long distant relationship but who knows what is going to happen.  I'm not sure I'm strong enough for that. 

I think it will come down to me going with him or us breaking up, either way I'm miserable.  I want so much to just go and feel like I could be happy but I'm not sure that is possible.  I want to make him happy and breaking it off would crush him.  Could I live with myself if I stayed with him and not love him.  I know what kind of life that means though and I'm not sure I could deal with that.

I wish I knew what I wanted.

So I went to bed last night thinking how one word could change my life.  If I say yes and go with my boyfriend then I am taking a huge step.  I am changing more then just my address.  I am changing my relationship.  He would be so excited and expect so much more.  I don't think I am ready for that.  Being here with my family and my friends makes it all ok.....makes the relationship (for lack of better words) easy.  Changing and moving away from my comforts makes it all more difficult.....less worth it. 

Why would he want to move me away?  He has a lot of great opportunites in front of him in this move....but he is asking me to choose him and a job over my life.  Im not sure Im ready. 

My boyfriend and I got into another fight and I cant even believe him.  He wants me to move away with him to some small ass town in the middle of nowhere.  He has been trying to get me to go with him for months now, convincing me it is for the best.  Lies!  Maybe if the sex were better....jk.  in any case Im not going to go.